A Beautiful Curse

What if I could have been somebody else, what could I have chosen not to be what I am now, what i have been all these years. Would it have made any difference to alleviate the suffering of my heart? This was the question I asked myself when i was six years old, at that tender age precocious mind, precocious not because I knew much more than I should, but understanding pain mine and of others and ways of alleviating it, could answer nothing more than a skeptical ' yes '.

Today after so many years the same question finds way to my turbulent mind resting peacefully far away from nexus to my past. Just the change remains " could t make any difference to everybody else around me, lessen the suffering I have presented them? and the answer........

I remember my adolescent steps moving in the precinct of an unusual place, to be more precise not a place out of this world but nobody likes being there but still is in someway thankful being there rather on streets because you get to eat much easily than being on the later part. Being unusual or uncommon does not in anyway supress the importance of its existence, so many unsatisfied emotions in relationship, a little too much infidelity, a wish to live it, gives birth to illegitimate children like me, living in ruthless but relevant place........orphanage .

from my early childhood i stayed divided between my imagination and reality, trying to create balance between the two,,, a balance always lifted more towards the imagination to supress the reality and i was able to in this way i was precocious.

JOURNEY....TO

This story is for a recent friend of mine....she always says she has a normal life...this is my view to make her life a bit more interesting......

like breath many things in life we stop noticing....it becomes so much of part of our life....but when at some part of our life it stops even for a second we feel the change taking over us....

Like every day she got up at 10:00, half awake, peeping at the wall clock with the side of half open eye only to curse it to be so fast...a voice shouting at the back, "its already 10 how much more you wanna sleep", its her mother....she got up walked stumbling to the bathroom, splashed some water on her face to become a little more alert..only to put the tooth brush with any tooth paste on it into her mouth...she brushed her teeth in the same manner and again splashed some water on the face, it was then that she realized what happened....she brushed up again took a bath and was out for the breakfast..

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oh...sorry in all that i forgot to introduce her even....she is Sonia, a good looking girl...with round face, straight and beautiful hairs which always come on face from the side...most of the time i have seen her smiling,,,for me she she remains as two different person...thats my perception...coz i want to believe that...(no offences plzz...)

The whole day was planned,,, she had to go for shopping, visit a friend's house,,have a little a fun and back....she had her breakfast and was out on the road, looking both side of the road for an auto ( i am giving her an auto coz i still don't know she drives or not), with a little hassle over the money she boarded the auto....while sitting in the auto, she never looked too much of here and there, she took out her cellphone and scanned through the messages and calls just to pass the time....then she just wrote a message.."hi..where are we meeting today...jst msg me, i'll be there at abt 12:30...",,, just then the auto reached the destination, she had to get down so in a hurry instead of looking in the phone book she just typed the number she remembered and sent the message....she was in the mall, she had to shop for a couple of jeans and t-shirts for herself but shopping alone wasn't fun...so she called another friend who just lived near by,,,,till the time she arrived she sat in coffee shop,,,while sitting there her phone rang, she had a message..

"see you near the riverside...." it was from the same number she had sent the message to...

her friend came and then there was an hour of scanning through the shops,,number of trials,,,finally she was over by 12:00, just then again message came from the same number .."hey are you coming.."...she replied back " ya..i'll be there in half an hour"...that was the last message she sent....she stepped out..her friend said "ok i got to go now, where are going"...she anewered' "i got to meet shriya today, we have some plans" they both said bye and she boarded an auto again..this time things were a bit a different she didn't took out her cellphone, neither did she think any thing, just a small smile on her face...she again removed the strands of hairs that came on her face from the wind blowing into the auto.....

weather outside had also changed the wind was cool now,,, sun was dim...everything in life outside seemed a bit slow.....aftersome time the auto was near the destination... she checked her cellphone there was no calls or messages... she kept the phone back to the pocket and got out, paid to the autodriver and walked towards the riverside....

everything around there was quiet and calm..few ripples on the surface water distorting the the reflection of sky......not many people around....for one minute she was relaxed feeling with the wind...but she soon became impatient and looked at the watch,,,shriya was still not there, they were meeting after three months, since shriya left the city to complete her studies...but she didn't understood why did she called her here.....although the place was beautiful and the weather made it look more scenic.....but it wasn't a place to hangout with friends.......

she took out her cellphone and she was about to have a look at the screen, she heard a beautiful song, it was one of her favorite, she lowered the phone, sat down for a while enjoying the music, weather and the beauty...she was a bit lost and didn't realize the clouds turning black....they were on the verge of raining,. the music slowly diminished and she came back to senses and called Shriya. she said, "hey I have been waiting for long out here, where are you", shriya replied," what, i have been waiting for your call from the morning, you never called or messaged", she said" I messaged you early in the morning and it was you who called me here", she answered "Sonia i didn't, i guessed you messaged to somebody else...whatever come over to my place" In the while her phone began to beep as the battery was low..

she hung the phone and looked at the message she sent.. she looked at the number she sent the message to and confirmed it with the phone book, it was then she realized that she has been sending the message to a wrong number,,, but moreover she was angry who was on the other side who called her here, she was about to call the number but the her phone went off. she looked at the sky and decided to move as fast as possible. she got up and and moved towards the road but it was a bit late the rain had already begun and it was pretty fast...

anyhow she managed to reach the road but there was no one to be seen..There was no vehicle to be seen….she turned around already there were less people around when she came here,, and now only three or four people that too at a distance…there were no shops or shelter to stay….every thing in fraction of second seemed deserted…and for that moment her heart skipped a beat....

She again turned to look at the road to find a convence,,but no luck at all , or in other words luck was working against her,,her phone was switched of , nobody knew where she was,,she is left alone in deserted place in this heavy rain..she felt angry, helpless and confused at the same time..why was this happening to her? That was only question she had in her mind…(and this is the question that will coming in her mind)..

Just opposite of the road there was tree, she ran under it, now her heart was beating faster, she didn’t knew what to do where to go, for that moment her life came to stand still….she stood there for a moment but it was no use the rain was too hard for the tree to restrain…she was wet by now and the wind was getting cold…..she had to find some place else to cover herself, moving to the other side of the tree she looked around…there was junk car at a little distance…

She looked up at the sky and the tree…the rain didn’t seemed stop and the tree had started to drip very faster it wasn’t viable to stand there any more….she again looked at junk car …she pondered over the thought of going to the car…it was deserted, there was nobody else…why is this happening to me? She again thought…she stood there looking at the car for about fifteen minutes, till then she was totally and the started to feel cold.. she closed her eyes, clasped her fist tightly breathed heavily twice and ran towards the car…reached the door of the car…the seats were tattered,, the front glass was cracked but not totally broken…she pulled the handle bar and the door creaked open…she went inside and close the door…it was warm inside,,,,she closed her eyes, pulled her hairs back..gradually her breath slowed down….

Her eyes were heavy now..she looked out the water didn’t seemed to stop…she laid back and slowly slept…