A Beautiful Curse

What if I could have been somebody else, what could I have chosen not to be what I am now, what i have been all these years. Would it have made any difference to alleviate the suffering of my heart? This was the question I asked myself when i was six years old, at that tender age precocious mind, precocious not because I knew much more than I should, but understanding pain mine and of others and ways of alleviating it, could answer nothing more than a skeptical ' yes '.

Today after so many years the same question finds way to my turbulent mind resting peacefully far away from nexus to my past. Just the change remains " could t make any difference to everybody else around me, lessen the suffering I have presented them? and the answer........

I remember my adolescent steps moving in the precinct of an unusual place, to be more precise not a place out of this world but nobody likes being there but still is in someway thankful being there rather on streets because you get to eat much easily than being on the later part. Being unusual or uncommon does not in anyway supress the importance of its existence, so many unsatisfied emotions in relationship, a little too much infidelity, a wish to live it, gives birth to illegitimate children like me, living in ruthless but relevant place........orphanage .

from my early childhood i stayed divided between my imagination and reality, trying to create balance between the two,,, a balance always lifted more towards the imagination to supress the reality and i was able to in this way i was precocious.